I don't really know why; but that's beside the point. The point is that I've been emotional my whole life, but for some reason, I've been less emotional during this decade than the previous 2-and-a-half.
Until yesterday. When seemingly for no reason, I started crying. On my bike. At the gym. During a Taylor Swift song.
Oh, the humiliation. Is it more embarrassing to cry at the gym, or to admit that you cried because of the lyrics in a Taylor Swift song?
Sigh....
I've been hearing that stupid "Love story" song in passing all summer. The tune is fine, I had nothing against it, but Taylor Swift is like 14, so I've never paid attention to the lyrics. The words I did hear about Romeo and Juliet sounded sorta lame, like something a teen-ager would write about, so I dismissed the song.
Then yesterday, while on my bike, "Love Story" starts playing on my Ipod. For the first time, I'm listening to every word:
"We were both young, when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts-I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air."
I thought, "Wow, I met Jon in the Summer too. At a party my room-mates held, in our white house with the balcony."
"I see you make your way through the crowd- You say hello, little did I know...That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles- And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"-
"How funny," I thought, "I remember Jon talking to me, and I was thinking, 'Why is Danny Darby's best friend talking to me? This guy is seriously rough around the edges, but he sure is fun."
Jon and I started hanging out regularly by August of '96, and everyone was shocked. I was straight-as-an-arrow Mormon girl, hangin' out with tatooed, nipple-pierced, shaved-head Jon. All my friends thought he was way too wild for me, and my family definitely didn't roll out the welcome mat.
"And I was crying on the staircase-begging you, 'Please don't go... And I said... Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run."
Yeah, before long I was hopelessly smitten with Jon. No-one approved, I dumped him like 5 times, and after every break-up, I was begging him to take me back within days.
So I kept seeing him, but told all my friends and family we'd broken up.
"So I sneak out to the garden to see you.We keep quiet, because we're dead if they knew-So close your eyes... escape this town for a little while."
Yep. I knew I couldn't marry him, because the Church was a big part of my life, and Jon just wasn't the Church-going type. He wasn't any of the things that were on my "good-guy list," and he was lots of the things that weren't. So I did try to break-up with him, many times, but I always kept going back;
"And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet -but you were everything to me- I was begging you, 'Please don't go' And I said...Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say yes-"
I was totally and completely in love with him! I didn't want anyone else- hard as I tried to convince myself that's what would be best. My family didn't like him, my mom told me not to marry him, and my friends kept trying to set me up with returned-missionaries. I kept waiting to see if he could live my "Mormon" life with me, and no-one was rooting for us.
"Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult, but it's real. Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess."
So our relationship went on for 2 years, and near the end, I was starting to worry that we wouldn't make it. Not because I didn't love him, but because I feared we had too much going against us.
"I got tired of waiting. Wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading-When I met you on the outskirts of town. And I said...Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting, for you but you never come."
The night that Jon proposed to me, I was really upset. We were supposed to meet for dinner, and he showed up 2 hours late, because his herpetology lab had gone long. I was crying because I was so mad, and I'll never forget him pulling that little black box out of his snow-boarding jacket, kneeling down, and smiling at me and my now-very-familiar tears...
"Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone. I love you, and that's all I really know. I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress. It's a love story, baby just say... yes."
So there I am, on my bike at the gym, tears streaming down my face as I'm totally overwhelmed with thoughts and memories and emotions. Thirteen years later, I'm still the drama queen, and Jon is still there, quietly holding it all together.
That morning, I'd been on the phone with Jimmy when Jon left for work. He gave me a, "You are always on the phone" smirk, kissed my cheek, and whispered his good-bye as he walked out the door. When he came home for lunch, I was on the phone with Julie. I got another smirk, another kiss on the cheek, and off Jon went back to work. Just like every day.
Only this day, I was pedaling on my bike at the gym at 2:30 in the afternoon, when I realized that my life is the way it is because Jon has been taking care of me for all these years. Working so hard, so that I can be home, raising our kids, and living the life I always wanted.
The guy that wasn't "good enough" for me. The guy that had earrings, and tattoos, and a snowboarding season pass. The one that should've stayed away, but kept throwing pebbles...
And no-one at the gym had a clue as to why the whacked chick on the bike was crying in the middle of the afternoon, but I knew it was because Taylor Swift had just gained a new fan,
and because I've never regretted saying, "YES!"
.
.
